it was that strange feeling i always feel in my heart , well i never felt anything more then a strange person on a alien planet !!
it was something , something like i can’t explain was bothering me and i couldn’t help my self , like i was stuck with it forever!!
every night i go back to my bed with so many thoughts, like i carry a universe. every time i try to sleep and end up like, laying on that dead bed with so many thoughts running front of my eyes.
and i also try ignoring them with taking those ‘deep breath’ that never worked for me !
last night i tired the same ”as i do every night”
but, after a moment i realized that i was somewhere else, i opened my eyes i found myself laying on that same bed with nothing it was just darkness , pitch darkness
and look what i found on the roof , my past memories hanging and scaring me like always. i was not that shocked to see any of those things , those painful memories ‘ it was like the fresh yesterday’ for me
pictures, pictures of my so called friends, pictures of a family i never felt a part of, pictures of those people who literately did wrong with me for nothing, pictures of those mistakes i did , pictures of those shameful moments, pictures of my failure, picture of that each hateful moment i had .. ohh i actually had painful moments noting was happy moment for me
did ever like ever good happened to me??
all i had was this , all i did was crying in the corner !
i wanted to forget my past, and forgive everyone even including me too…
so i slept again ,hugged my pillow tight and closed my eyes tight and i felt someone was behind me crying , i turned my side and i saw a dark shadow laying and crying..
i was not scared of that shadow ‘she felt so familer’, she was that part of me, that pain i was carrying from so long
and suddenly those drop of tears came out, i wanted to cry loud
forget all that shit happened, forget that pain
just for a moment i wanted to have that feeling of being alive, being happy , being loved , being a friend, being that everything i was never in my life
all i wanted to smile like i dreamed for , for once i wanna be free from the cadge of past
for once i wanna go to sleep peacefully !!