My ankle hurts, is it b’coz I choose a wrong path or is just this shoe bite ??

Hey did I ever dream for being a princess or someone’s wife ??

I guess not in this life !

My head hurts , is it b’coz I over think ?? Ohh yes I’m truly a faithful over thinker for my entire life !

It took me a second to see myself as bright light , but again I was messing up with my mind

Could I please choose the right side ?? God replied :- babygirl you never tried to choose any side .. Right ??

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the bad years as memories

it was that strange feeling i always feel in my heart , well i never felt anything more then a strange person on a alien planet !!

it was something , something like i can’t explain was bothering me and i couldn’t help my self , like i was stuck with it forever!!

every night i go back to my bed with so many thoughts, like i carry a universe. every time i try to sleep and end up like, laying on that dead bed with so many thoughts running front of my eyes.

and i also try ignoring them with taking those ‘deep breath’ that never worked for me !

last night i tired the same ”as i do every night”

but, after a moment i realized that i was somewhere else, i opened my eyes i found myself laying on that same bed with nothing it was just darkness , pitch darkness

and look what i found on the roof , my past memories hanging and scaring me like always. i was not that shocked to see any of those things , those painful memories ‘ it was like the fresh yesterday’ for me

pictures, pictures of my so called friends, pictures of a family i never felt a part of, pictures of those people who literately did wrong with me for nothing, pictures of those mistakes i did , pictures of those shameful moments, pictures of my failure, picture of that each hateful moment i had .. ohh i actually had painful moments noting was happy moment for me

did ever like ever good happened to me??

all i had was this , all i did was crying in the corner !

i wanted to forget my past, and forgive everyone even including me too…

so i slept again ,hugged my pillow tight and closed my eyes tight and i felt someone was behind me crying , i turned my side and i saw a dark shadow laying and crying..

i was not scared of that shadow ‘she felt so familer’, she was that part of me, that pain i was carrying from so long

and suddenly those drop of tears came out, i wanted to cry loud

forget all that shit happened, forget that pain

just for a moment i wanted to have that feeling of being alive, being happy , being loved , being a friend, being that everything i was never in my life

all i wanted to smile like i dreamed for , for once i wanna be free from the cadge of past

for once i wanna go to sleep peacefully !!

a note…

i was so quite today … i felt a different silence around, i just couldn’t hear the voices today or maybe i don’t want to……

i never felt this much disappointed to my own self, it was lot my mind thinking, it was lot my mind was saying and he came up with lots of allegations, my each part of the body was disappointed. 

i nearly felt dead inside, all i was feeling like giving up on life.

I’ve been  unhappy for years….. so, i started finding my happiness in others, in things, into blank pages. 

but, i found noting , i’m absolutely lost….

everything like everything  started to disappear and now it’s all dark , my world was falling apart and i was left numb , i couldn’t do anything  , all i could see was pitch darkness , like i was locked in a dark room , it was not fear it was the feeling of being helpless. 

 i wanted to cry loud, but my body was dead, my feet froze, my heart was heavy, my eyes couldn’t see anything, it was difficult to to even breathe .   

inside me everything was crying, i wanted to burst myself out ,but i couldn’t 

there was no one for me , there was no one standing next to me to give a shoulder 

i want to share things , i want to share my pain

but i was left here alone and quite!!

 

 

Pointless and overrated love

Sometimes you don’t like overrated things … And love is among those overrated things ..that you want
I mean you are Like so desperate to be loved … But you’re not aware …are you aware ?? Yeah you are aware of the consequence
But still you go with ” love flow ” and …there you are crying in bed
Trying to forget that person you love…but still you don’t want forget that person
Cuzz” you love that person
And you love loving that person to
And still wanna cry for that person
I feel.. Seriously stupid to be that person sometimes !!

The one you are !!

This feels a little disappointing that not everyone in your life comes with good intentions, not everyone has a kind heart as you, not everyone is as generous as you, not everyone sees goodness in people like you see
And.. Still you get attached to those who don’t like to be so attached with you ..!! And they want to get over with you,
But you can’t
And this don’t mean at all that you should change yourself ”Not at all”
If you really want to be changed
Change yourself for you
And loving those change makes you more perfect..in that changed and new you !! 💞

The beauty of darkness!!

I’ve seen beauty of night
It is deep dark
You feel nothing
But it’s cold
I’ve seen beauty in darkest sides of people
I wish I could save them from dark side they have or maybe I could let them see…what I see in them
It’s empty shells but not empty shells they are pure lovers!! They just pretend to have nothing
But they have more then brightest person can ever have !! You can keep that distance from everyone …
Yeah !! Go ahead
Keep distance
But don’t keep distance from the one inside you, it’s whom you need to show your true love
It’s the only person in the world waiting …waiting to see how deep lover you are …love yourself like Demon
Be dark !! Be pure !!

It was not a fairytale love story

I always had a thing for fairytale, that one day I will might have a prince charming

Not actually that believer, but wanted to be a part of one of the stories of fairytale

I was so desperate to love and to be loved, and that sounds so stupid that I wanted to be a princess

And I was waiting …

Waiting for that one prince charming , To take me on clouds on his white horse

But, then it was me who bump into a man of evilness. I hate the one from so long

He made me realize that I was not even known to my own self, the way he knows me no one can even imagine I’m like that not even me !!

He pulled me out of the crowd I pretended to like

And then there was my fantasy came true

I was with the devil, always had a devil

I know only I can see his heart so clear through his blue eyes, I was in love with

Maybe I can stand with him to tell him it’s okay to be with me,I can be your light in your darkest kingdom of hell

And I will never care who’s watching and complaining, I will be forever drunk in your love

Even if you say you are evil, you are selfish, you don’t care !

But, somehow I see myself matters to you a lot , the one girl you can’t be selfish with

For your worst time , I will give my best days

So that I can show you a good Time!!

And yes, a little bit of talk and a little bit of walk will work for you as love them !!

I always wanted to blow my love in Paris first , I kinda love the cities of Europe!!

I ain’t that perfect, I can hurt you a bit

I know I was searching for a Prince charming. But it’s so hard to replace a devil like you

Fallin for you was like fallin for Grace !!

You are the one wrapped in all that I need, no need to imagine I’m not ashamed having you holding my hands

I know once I wanted a Prince charming to take me in heaven

But ,you my Darling

You just brought the whole heaven for me, that looks so unreal but romantic

And the way you just do things for me, I want you back again the moment you leave

I had no idea no idea that people on earth Like us different can love each other

I don’t care that why I choose you, I have no regrets either …dating the bad boy !!

Cause’ I know you from moment we met

The strength you gave, you showed me a mirror I never saw in life

The girl I never knew was in me !!

The flowers you planted for me, I guess no one was half effective like you !!

A place to stay !!

One day I will no longer be running from place to place

One day I will stay!!

I will stay for my peace!!

The peace of moment ..that will have all my happiness and good memories.

Before I close my eyes, forever…!!

I can enjoy that moment for bit longer, near a lake surrounded by trees and dancing flowers.

And I’ll be sitting on a wooden chair to Cherish the beauty of a peaceful land.

From that place ..even if I look back…

I will no longer be scared of anything,not even from my dark past.

It will be just ..my happy moments of life and those beautiful memories I never admired because I was to scared of my past !!

Maybe for that one day I’m still alive and breathing for reason, for purpose I don’t know exactly what is the purpose of this life that has no wish to live..but, still this body don’t give up, this heart don’t give up, this soul still believe that one day I will make this out ..I will have whatever I wish for !!

Throne

I gave up on that throne

Because I no longer see myself like the way I see myself sitting on that throne

But my inner self seek for something els

It is roting the brain

I fear myself , because I’m still on that throne I can’t escape …it’s attached to my soul of hate and power that craves more power that belongs to my other part

It wants to eat me, eat me all

Deep down I’m weak , and the part of me don’t like the weaker things

My good part fall will make the perfect queen for that bloody throne of I don’t know what it posses

But the power I feel it from the throne makes me crazy , my bad side go nuts

I go nuts !!

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